I THREW A GRAPE IN THE AIR TO CATCH IT IN MY MOUTH BUT IT WENT TOO HIGH AND HIT THE CEILING AND THERE WAS A SPIDER THERE AND THE SPIDER FELL AND SO DID THE GRAPE AND THEY BOTH LANDED ON MY FACE AND I STILL HAVEN’T STOPPED SCREAMING
i read the first line in my head in the tune of call me maybe im so stupid
I threw a grape in the air
I went to catch it I swear
It hit a spider that fell
and now they’re on my face
you know when i die i’ll probably just be in the afterlife blogging like
"heaven has no free wi-fi? fuck this shit i’m going to hell"
how do you know hell has wifi
satan owes me several favors
IF U DO NOT LIKE ME:
1. Me neither
2. I don’t care
honor students cheat more than anybody
a question i ask myself regularly
Yes I am an expert on Greek mythology I have read a Percy Jackson book
parents who try to shelter their children from every little thing that could possibly corrupt them are going to have some fucked up kids
I feel like this ask should be a part of this post
seeing someone you know but arent friends with in public is the worst thing ever
Dick riding IS NOT a form of transportation!!!!!!!!
not with that attitude
Today I put my hand in my backpack and felt a stress ball and I was like “oh? I have a stress ball?” and I squeezed it and it was a pear and it exploded and now I’m much more stressed than I was earlier :/
So, hilariously ironic thing this morning. I was on my way to planned parenthood to get my birth control, when I drive past this guy 3 blocks from my apartment. I thought dude you are a long way from the clinic! I turned the corner and lo and behold, there is a women’s clinic in my backyard, unbeknownst to me! I could have saved some gas and gone to this closer place! I never would have known without the protesters there. Thanks, sign-holding guy!!!