rosiebeck:

nxv:

primisthebomb:

I THREW A GRAPE IN THE AIR TO CATCH IT IN MY MOUTH BUT IT WENT TOO HIGH AND HIT THE CEILING AND THERE WAS A SPIDER THERE AND THE SPIDER FELL AND SO DID THE GRAPE AND THEY BOTH LANDED ON MY FACE AND I STILL HAVEN’T STOPPED SCREAMING

i read the first line in my head in the tune of call me maybe im so stupid

I threw a grape in the air
I went to catch it I swear
It hit a spider that fell
and now they’re on my face

tsarbucks:

tehlofflies:

tsarbucks:

you know when i die i’ll probably just be in the afterlife blogging like 

"heaven has no free wi-fi? fuck this shit i’m going to hell"

how do you know hell has wifi

satan owes me several favors

indiandaughter:

ill pay u $7 to have a crush on me

spermbanker:

IF U DO NOT LIKE ME:
1. Me neither
2. I don’t care

wheelcher2:

honor students cheat more than anybody 

bazukathatraluca:

a question i ask myself regularly

bazukathatraluca:

a question i ask myself regularly

rockstarsushiman:

Yes I am an expert on Greek mythology I have read a Percy Jackson book

vgkait:

shutupaubrey:

parents who try to shelter their children from every little thing that could possibly corrupt them are going to have some fucked up kids

image

I feel like this ask should be a part of this post

heartbreaks:

*lies in the sun for 5 mins*

wheres my tan

sharpslut:

seeing someone you know but arent friends with in public is the worst thing ever

ihaveallthesefeelsokay:

shamitomita:

cyberho:

Dick riding IS NOT a form of transportation!!!!!!!! 

not with that attitude

image

Reblog if no one has a crush on you.

chekhov:

Today I put my hand in my backpack and felt a stress ball and I was like “oh? I have a stress ball?” and I squeezed it and it was a pear and it exploded and now I’m much more stressed than I was earlier :/

fallopeia:

So, hilariously ironic thing this morning. I was on my way to planned parenthood to get my birth control, when I drive past this guy 3 blocks from my apartment. I thought dude you are a long way from the clinic! I turned the corner and lo and behold, there is a women’s clinic in my backyard, unbeknownst to me! I could have saved some gas and gone to this closer place! I never would have known without the protesters there. Thanks, sign-holding guy!!!

fallopeia:

So, hilariously ironic thing this morning. I was on my way to planned parenthood to get my birth control, when I drive past this guy 3 blocks from my apartment. I thought dude you are a long way from the clinic! I turned the corner and lo and behold, there is a women’s clinic in my backyard, unbeknownst to me! I could have saved some gas and gone to this closer place! I never would have known without the protesters there. Thanks, sign-holding guy!!!